We all have questions in our lives. Everyone of us has faced a trial where we just didn't understand why it was happening to us, what the purpose was or why like others we were not taken out of the trial.
Sometimes it seems that we have been faithful to the church, faithful in prayer and faithful to God and then when a trial comes our way we are forced to walk through the fire. And yet again there are others who have never served God one day in their lives and when they are faced with similar circumstances they are delivered immediately with seemingly no pain or "trial."
Why does this happen? I wish I knew. I have had similar questions of late. I often wonder, why is this happening to us? Why wasn't I healed instantly and spared the pain and suffering? Why isn't it over? Why, why why??
Yes, I will be honest with you, I do have questions, and not many answers. Sometimes we will never have answers to the questions life presents to us.
Sometimes it is a struggle to hope when all hope has been taken away, trust when we feel we can't trust anyone and have faith when we feel that all of our faith has been slowly drained away in a sea of unanswered questions. As humans, we will have questions. That is normal and natural. We cannot stop our fallible brains from constantly questioning the circumstances we are faced with.
But there is a difference between questions and doubt. True, questions can lead to doubt but then am I supposed to blindly walk through life somehow shutting off my brain and not questioning anything? I think not.
I will be completely honest with you and admit, yes, I do have questions. I don't understand why this is happening and sometimes it is a struggle to "keep the faith" and not become angry and bitter with God and man.
Yes, I question; but I do not doubt.
I don't doubt God, I don't doubt His Word. I do not doubt that God sees the big picture and somehow in the midst of this storm He is working everything for my good. I don't doubt that in the fire, God is there and He will direct my path. I do not doubt that God can heal and I don't doubt that He will heal me, but I don't know how and when that healing will come. Will it be a miracle? Or come through the hands of my doctor after great pain and suffering?
I have questions, but not doubt.
Several years back, I faced what I considered at the time to be the worst trial of my life. I attended a small church and there was no youth group and no support from the leadership. During this trial I had no one to turn to for help and encouragement. I learned that my relationship was with God and not the church. Over the years I had mistakenly developed a relationship with the church but not God.
Oh I thought my relationship was with God but when my faith in man was tested I realized that I had placed my faith and trust in man and not God.
I grabbed my Bible and began to dig out a prayer life and walk with God. There were many sleepless nights that I cried myself to sleep and when I felt that all hope was lost I would open the Word of God and find the strength that I needed to face another day.
Over the years my Bible has become worn and faded. There are tear stains on those pages and many passages are marked and highlighted. The cover is worn and the words hardly recognizable but I love that old Bible. When I need to hear the voice of God I don't pick up my new Bible, I always go to my old, worn out one because I have pages marked where God brought me through different trials in my life.
My former pastor liked to call that "bear hides on the wall." Now I thank God for every trial I went through in the past because if I hadn't slain the lion and the bear I would never be able to face the Goliath that I am fighting now.
I know one day, maybe years from now I will be able to look back and thank God for this trial. He has showed himself to be so real and true through all of this. I have never felt so close to God as I have in the midst of this storm.
Alot of people like to skip right past the part about the lion and bear and let's just forget that David had to face Goliath and they jump straight to the passage of David being a "Man after God's own heart." We all tell of how David was such a humble man, a man of great strength and wisdom and how he was a wonderful king.
But first, before he could be great for God he had to become little. In the back woods of the hill country, where nobody else was watching, no metals to be won and no songs to be sung, David had to face the lion and bear to protect what was his.
When the day came to face Goliath, David did not arm himself with the Kings armor but he used his old, trusty weapons. He had a tried and true weapon that He knew worked. It was already marked with the blood of previous enemies and had some "tear stains" on it if I can put it that way.
David put his trust in the Lord and in the end, he was victorious.
I know there is much to be said for "positive thinking" and building ones self up through a positive attitude and I believe in all of that. I am not scorning those things, please don't get me wrong.
But when I face Goliath, I need a little more than just a positive attitude. I want to know that the weapon I have used to slaughter the other giants in my life is still by my side because I have tried that weapon and I know it works.
I will fight and overcome this Goliath just like I did the lion and bear. I will fight with the Sword of the Lord (God's Word) and with prayer.
I recently spoke to the Christian School at my church and one thing I told them was to grab their Bible, cry over it, let their tears stain the pages, highlight it and become familiar with it.
I know, when great trials come and they must face Goliath if they have the weapon that is tried and true they will always come out a victor. Yes, there will be battle scars and there will be hurt and pain but in the end, they will overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony.
Blessings,
-Amy
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